


Your Harbor

by arjache



Series: Pale Gleaming Scales [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Psychological Horror, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 07:10:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arjache/pseuds/arjache
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Terezi snorts, and you can feel the bed shift as she gets up to leave. As she does, you hold up a hand, your head still covered by the pillow. "Wait," you say.</p><p>There's a pause. "Yes?"</p><p>"I don't know what happened, but I know it was apparently bad enough that you keep trying to avoid the subject," you begin. "But I need to know."</p><p>"Try to remember on your own. It'll help the healing process."</p><p>"And if I still can't, after that?"</p><p>There is a much longer pause at that, and you begin to wonder if Terezi has simply left the room. Eventually, though, she speaks again.</p><p>"Then I'll tell you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For [Alyson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rememberwhenyoutried), my esteemed beta, dear friend, and moirail. My harbor.

_The scout walked up to the inn counter, her glasses flickering red in the hearth light._

_“Water for my beast,” she said. “And I need the following supplies.” She handed over a scrap of paper, filled out in precise letters._

_The innkeeper looked it over. “It’ll take a while to get these together. Have a seat in the dining area in the meantime. Are you staying the night?”_

_“No,” she said, looking over to where the innkeeper was pointing. “I have to keep moving.”_

_“All right.” The innkeeper beckoned to the stable boy, who was loitering near the expansive fireplace. “Go get her horse watered.”_

_The stable boy nodded and headed outside. A second later, he stepped back in, his face two shades paler._

_“That’s not a horse, is it,” he said flatly. He was not asking a question._

_“No, it isn’t,” replied the scout, equally flatly. She turned back to the woman behind the counter. “Let me know when my supplies are ready.”_

* * *

Your name is… 

Your name is Rose, you think? 

Rose. 

That seems plausible. Let’s go with that for now. 

Your name is Rose Lalonde and it has taken you a long time to find your way back to consciousness. 

You open your eyes cautiously. You’re in a bed. No, wait. You’re in _your_ bed. The one you recreated for your room on the meteor after one too many backache-inducing nights in a pillow pile. 

The room is blurry, dim. Then again, it’s always dim here on the meteor, but this is different somehow, you think. You’re not sure why. Something is amiss. Something looks different and wrong but you can’t identify it in the details. 

It doesn’t help, you suppose, that you can’t actually remember how you’d gotten here in the first place. Or what had happened to cause you to lose consciousness in the first place. 

Or, now that you thought about it, why your head hurt so much. 

You consider that for a while, and, finding no ready answers, decide that the best course of action would be to sit up. 

So you try that. 

The _second_ time you regain consciousness, you resolve not to try that again anytime soon. 

It doesn’t feel as if you’d been out quite so long this time. Maybe half an hour. Maybe a bit longer than that. Time isn’t really making much sense right now. 

Time. 

Time was his aspect. Dave’s. Not yours. Yours is Light. Why are you thinking about this right now? 

You should be thinking about the fact that you still can’t make any sense of this situation. 

Senses. 

Your senses are complaining about the sudden indignity of being asked to process data. Your eyes throb. Your ears ring. Touch is just cranky in general. 

You’re not too sure about taste or smell, but you assume, for convenience’s sake, that they are also very unhappy with you right now. 

Physical senses accounted for. But one’s missing. 

What? 

They’re there. You just went through them all. You reiterate: Smell, taste, touch, hearing, visio-

Oh. 

Something is wrong with your vision. 

No, wait, that’s not right either. You can see your blankets. You can see your tapestries hanging on the wall. You can see your notebook lying next to the bed. 

You can see just fine. 

But you can’t…oh. 

You can’t See. 

The tapestries on the wall. You made them as an experiment of sorts. You remember that now. You wove them in a trance. You wanted a physical representation of the threads of fate that your gift of Sight lent you. 

You have a vague recollection of other tapestries, long ago. Torn to shreds. In tatters. 

But these tapestries are perfectly intact. Are they the same tapestries? 

But these…they used to be so bright. You hadn’t just woven them out of fabric. You had actually worked in the shining threads of fate itself into them. Just a little bit. Just enough so that, to your eyes, they shone. Shone and vibrated. 

You were used to feeling that vibration. You could feel it all around you. It grounded you. It guided your actions. 

But right now…right now you can’t feel it at all. It’s just not there. 

You make a few cautious attempts at mentally reaching out beyond your immediate vicinity. Anyone? Anything? 

Nothing. No one. 

You can’t See. 


	2. Chapter 2

_The innkeeper’s daughter set down a plate of food._

_“Thank you,” the scout said, but did not look up to acknowledge her. She continued staring intently into the nearby fire instead._

_The young woman sat down next to her. “Are you scrying?” she asked._

_“What?”_

_“You’re one of the Seers, aren’t you? I recognize the hood. Are the stories true?”_

_The scout started to pick at her food. “What do the stories say?”_

_“They say you can do all sorts of things. See into the future. Or the past. Or if someone loses something, you can find it for them. That sort of thing.”_

_“Do you believe any of it?”_

_The innkeeper’s daughter paused. “I think you do have powers,” she said slowly, after a moment’s contemplation. “But I also think that rumor has a way of getting out of hand. And that maybe the way things work aren’t always so simple as you’d think. Maybe your abilities aren’t so obvious. Something that could be happening all the time, all around us, and we wouldn’t even notice it.”_

_“You’re very perceptive.”_

_“They say I’ve got the gift,” said the young woman, beaming slightly._

_“Well, then, make use of it. What am I doing?” asked the scout. She backed away from her plate slightly and set her hands at her side, as if to present a clearer view. The young woman focused her eyes and frowned._

_“You’re searching for someone,” she said. “Someone like you.”_

_“That’s right. Another of my order.”_

_“Is she lost?”_

_“You could say that.” The scout cleared her plate and stood up, stretching slowly. A few seconds later, as if on cue, the innkeeper walked back in with the goods she’d been waiting for._

_The scout pulled a coin out of her satchel and pressed it to the young woman’s palm. “Another Seer will pass through here in a month’s time,” she said quietly. “When they do, tell them Pyrope recommended you for the test.” Without waiting for an acknowledgement, she walked over to the table where the innkeeper was counting out her supplies._

_As they arranged payment, the innkeeper murmured under her breath, “I don’t appreciate it.”_

_“Pardon?”_

_“Getting my daughter’s hopes up like that. What sort of lies were you filling her head with back there?”_

_“Only the best, ma’am.” the scout said, and slung her pack over her shoulder. “The only kind I tell.”_

* * *

You close your eyes and drift. 

Eventually, there is a stirring noise beside you, and you open your eyes to find the source. You turn your head - a little too quickly for comfort, you note - and see Terezi sitting on a nearby chair, alternating sips from Dave’s favorite coffee mug and precise licks applied to the screen of a portable computing device. 

“Terezi?” you croak. 

She sits up from her reading. “There you are!” 

You wince at the sudden loud noise, and let your head flop back. “Unfortunately. How long was I out?” you ask. 

“A while. I was starting to get worried we’d lost you.” 

“What? I-” you exclaim, and are startled enough that you try to sit up again. The pain strikes, iron-hot and bright, and you recoil and hold up a hand against your forehead. “Ow. Fuck. My head.” 

Terezi sets her device and mug down on the beside table, moving a little more gently than usual. “Careful. Try to take it slowly.” 

You try to lie still, and manage to only writhe in agony a little bit. You lie there for a good minute before speaking again. 

“Okay. What happened, and why are you here?” you ask. 

“I brought you tea,” Terezi says, as if that answers everything. 

“Was that before or after I lost consciousness?” you ask. You try to frown, only to find out that you’re already frowning from the pain. You resolve to frown more later. 

“After,” she says, frowning back at you. 

“Oh.” Your hand flops back down to your side from your forehead. “I’m actually having trouble getting my head elevated right now. I’m not sure I could drink anything. But thank you. I do appreciate the offer.” 

“Want me to prop your head up on some pillows?” Terezi asks you, looking eager, if concerned. 

You mutter your assent, and suddenly she’s leaning over you, fluffing pillows and moving them into more useful positions behind your head. 

You hiss a sharp intake of breath as your head is jostled by the moving pillows. They stop moving, and now Terezi’s hand is on your forehead, surprisingly cool to the touch. 

“Sorry. Does this hurt?” she asks you. 

“Um. Yes? But not…you…what you’re doing. It’s fine.” you mumble through the pain, your eyes closed again. 

“Okay, good.” Terezi’s hand lingers there a while longer, then disappears. A moment later you feel a warm mug being placed in your hands, and open your eyes again. You accept the tea gratefully. 

You sip cautiously at the tea. “Hibiscus?” 

“What’s that?” Terezi asks. 

You warm your hands against the mug. The meteor is always so cold and drafty. “An Earth tea. Herbal tea,” you reply. 

“Oh. Actually this is made from a delicious red flower that grew in the forest where my hive-tree was.” 

You take a larger sip. “It certainly tastes very…red. Thank you. I think it’s helping.” 

Terezi retrieves her own mug from the side table and sits down on the bed next to you, slurping happily. “I thought it might! I drank a lot of it when I was recovering from my accident.” 

“Your accident?” you ask. 

“I wasn’t always blind, Rose.” 

“Oh,” you say, not really knowing how to respond to that. You sip your drink thoughtfully instead. 

You sit there in silence for a few minutes, until you find yourself drifting off again, your eyes closed. After a while you sense Terezi stand up and gently take the half-full mug out of your hands. 

You curl up against the pillows, murmuring quietly to yourself. “Can’t See.” 

“Shhhh. Your eyes are closed, silly. Get some more rest. I’ll be back later.” 

You listen to Terezi’s footsteps for what seem like a long time, until half-sleep finally gives way to something deeper, like drifting out of a cove into open water. 


	3. Chapter 3

You’re asleep and you can hear voices in the dark. 

That, in itself, is not unusual for you. You’re used to the quiet murmurs of the Horrorterrors. In a way, you’ve come to find them comforting in their familiarity. 

What is unusual is that there are other voices. Very…concerned voices. Someone is wailing for help. Someone is oddly calm. 

Someone is saying distraught things in a language you shouldn’t be able to understand. 

You think that last person might be you. 

Vivid color bleeds through the dark; the fabric of your dream tears asunder, and you wake up with a start. 

* * *

When you wake up, Terezi is there, with breakfast. There she is, right there. Leaning over you with food on a plate. You don’t want food right now. Actually, you don’t _understand_ food right now. You’re not sure how easy it would be to explain that latter point, however, and struggle for words instead, the dream still weighing heavily on your mental faculties. It occurs to you that whatever words do come out of you might not even be English. That strange language; all curlicues and black smoke…wait, sounds don’t have shapes like that, do they? 

“Er. Thank you. But I’m not hungry.” 

“You need to build up your strength, Rose,” Terezi says, still hovering over you with an oddly intent look. 

You stare back at her and wonder how many polite refusals she will tolerate before she tries to force feed you. 

Deciding not to risk it, you pick at the food. It is strangely tasteless. Your head still aches and your body feels limp and useless. You look up from the food to stare at the ceiling instead. There’s a faint fracture pattern there. You wonder how long that’s been there. You’re not sure you ever noticed it before. 

You still can’t See, and it’s maddening. But worse, you still cant remember why you can’t See - and whether it’s the same reason that you wound up in bed in the first place. 

If it were something really bad, she’d have told you, right? 


	4. Chapter 4

_The woman in orange ran through the desert. It was not easy ground to cover, and she was getting a stitch in her side. She would need to stop and rest soon._

_She had been running for a very long time now, stopping only as long as was necessary, and sometimes not even then._

_She was very tired of running._

_So very tired._

_But she was still being pursued, and her pursuer was catching up with her._

_She knew she would have to face her pursuer eventually. She desperately needed to find someplace to hide, regroup, figure out a coherent strategy._

_But there was no time for that, and there hadn’t been for a while now, and until she could put enough distance between her and her pursuer, she doubted there would be._

_So she kept running._

_For now._

* * *

You request reading material, and Terezi brings you a book. Your head is still pounding, though, and possibly as a consequence of this, the letters swim on the page. You find, in fact, that you can’t actually make out any of the text. You closely examine a punctuation mark that looks like a squarish comma. It’s…glossy. But the paper isn’t. You poke at the punctuation mark experimentally with a fingernail, and it unfurls and starts crawling off the page. Startled, you slam the book closed. 

It occurs to you that you probably just smashed a perfectly innocent beetle. 

“Not in the mood for trashy troll romance today?” Terezi asks. 

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…” you say, trailing off for lack of words. You look up, waiting for a verbal invitation to continue, but Terezi just sits silently and looks at you with those blank-yet-somehow-concerned eyes of hers. You sigh and continue. “As much as I appreciate your company, I’m left wondering why no one else has stopped by today. Kanaya? Dave? I’d even settle for Karkat at this point. I could use a good argument.” 

She doesn’t say anything at that. Instead, she starts idly picking at a piece of fluff on her pants. 

With a chill, your mind races to the worst case scenario. 

“Oh god. There’s been another incident, hasn’t there? That’s why I was injured; that’s why no one’s coming. Was it Gamzee? Are they…” your voice breaks off there, and then, more quietly, you whisper, “…are we the only ones left?” 

Terezi’s face goes pale from shock. A moment of terrible silence fills the room. 

And then she breaks the silence with a fit of equally terrible laughter. 

“Oh, no,” she finally says, still cackling a little, regaining her breath, “everyone else is alive and well. You…you had an accident. That’s all.” 

You collapse back onto your pillows. Until that moment, you hadn’t actually realized you’d been leaning forward in such abject tension. “Oh. Oh thank god.” You pause, processing what Terezi said now that you can spare the brain cycles. “…but that doesn’t actually answer my question, does it? Where is everyone? It’s almost as if I scared them off.” 

There’s that terrible silence again. 

And then, slowly, “Rose, how much do you remember about what happened to you?” 

You shake your head. “Nothing.” 

“Nothing at all?” 

“The last thing I remember is having some sort of disagreement with Kanaya. About what, I’m not even sure. There are some blurry bits even before that, but after that I don’t remember anything. Just waking up here in my room.” 

Terezi frowns, and then gestures at the bed. “Mind if I examine your head?” 

“What? I suppose so,” you say, not really sure where this is going, but glad that at least someone on the meteor is medically inclined. 

Terezi clambers up onto the bed, and then, to your surprise, climbs right _over_ you, straddling your chest but being careful not to put any weight directly on you. She lightly grips your head in her hands, thumbs on your temples, and takes a long, deep look into your eyes. You blink a couple of times, and then wonder if maybe you should try not to while you’re being examined so intently. So instead you stare through Terezi’s glasses at her opaque red eyes, until your vision blurs from the effort. 

Finally she breaks the gaze and shakes her head slowly, moving back off of you and flopping down next to you on the bed. Your head is jostled by the sudden movement and you wince reflexively, but it’s not feeling quite as bad as it was previously. You turn to look at her. “What is it?” you ask, the question coming out a little more nervously than you’d intended. 

“You have the memories. They’re there. I can see them in your mind. But they’re clouded somehow.” 

“Clouded? How? Why?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s short-term amnesia from when you -” Terezi catches herself again, “- from the accident. Is that a thing human bodies do too? I know it happens to trolls sometimes, if they get knocked out or whatever.” She pauses. “Or maybe you’ve just locked them away from yourself somehow. Like the walls in your old room. Or John’s.” 

At this, she trails off and tilts her head towards one of the walls, as if looking for something. You twist and turn to try to see past her, risking further pain in the process, but there’s nothing there. She must have just been doing it for effect. 

“There’s something else. Ever since I woke up, I…I can’t See,” you say quietly. 

Terezi raises an eyebrow. “Could have fooled me.” 

“What? No, I mean…my powers. They’re gone,” you say, frustration building. 

“Really?” she asks, and there’s no malice, no snark in her voice, only concern. 

“As far as I can tell,” you reply. You begin to feel the vague beginnings of tears in your eyes, but you can’t seem to blink them away fast enough; more arrive to take their place. “I’ve become so accustomed to seeing fate, seeing how it all fits together, in a very literal sense…and now it’s as if that fate is gone. Or rather, I assume it’s still there, but now I can’t sense it at all. I can still see things clearly - normal, everyday things, like that lamp over there, or that question mark you are so clearly making with your mouth just now, don’t pretend you’re not - with my eyes, but it just doesn’t read the same any more. Now I can only see plain images. Normal vision. It’s as if I’m blind, but still seeing things. Does that make any sense?” 

Terezi coughs awkwardly. “Well, um. Yes,” she says. 

You stare at her blankly for a moment, and then groan and cover your face with a pillow. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, that was an awful thing for me to say.” 

She lightly bats at you through the pillow. “Pfft. It’s fine. I get what you mean.” 

“Nope, that’s it, I’m done for. Leave me here to wallow in despair,” you say, hoping it’ll come off as humor, but feeling the desperation creep into your voice. 

Terezi snorts, and you can feel the bed shift as she gets up to leave. As she does, you hold up a hand, your head still covered by the pillow. “Wait,” you say. 

There’s a pause. “Yes?” 

“I don’t know what happened, but I know it was apparently bad enough that you keep trying to avoid the subject,” you begin. “But I need to know.” 

“Try to remember on your own. It’ll help the healing process.” 

“And if I still can’t, after that?” 

There is a much longer pause at that, and you begin to wonder if Terezi has simply left the room. Eventually, though, she speaks again. 

“Then I’ll tell you.” 

Once again you find yourself listening to her footsteps as she leaves. They echo through the corridor for a very long time, until all you’re listening to is the negative space left in their absence, and finally you start to cry in earnest. 


	5. Chapter 5

Lightning flashes through the windows of the observatory. Thunder follows not long afterwards. You curl up tighter in your blanket pile and keep typing while you can. You’re not certain how much longer the connection will last.

  
TT: I really did not expect my mother to say that.   
TG: shes gonna come around   
TG: you just gotta keep pushing   
TT: And how long will it take?   
TT: And how long will I be willing to wait?   
TT: I didn’t conquer my doubts just to be stopped at hers.   
TG: i really doubt theres anyone out there who can stop you   
TG: unless you let them   
TG: hell i cant even stop you from making puppet jokes   
TT: Maybe I should be stopped.   
TG: if youre talking about puppet jokes then yes   
TG: yes you should be stopped   
TG: otherwise no   
TT: She claims she’s trying to protect me from myself.   
TG: do you trust her to look out for you   
TT: No, not really.   
TT: She’s betrayed my trust before, just like she did tonight.   
TT: I’m not going to extend it to her again.   
TG: well there you go then   
TG: maybe if you find someone you do trust   
TG: then let them be the one who stops you   
TG: sounds like shes not the one to do so   
TT: I think you’re actually the closest I have to that, right now.   
TG: huh   
TG: im flattered and all but   
TG: trust me you can find better   
TG: and from what ive heard you have already   
TT: what?   
TG: you do know this is a dream bubble right   


* * *

You startle awake and find yourself back in your room on the meteor. There’s noise outside in the hallway. Raised voices. 

Dave is the first person to stick his head in the door. Terezi follows shortly afterwards. She is scowling; they are both tense. 

The two of them stand there awkwardly for a moment until Terezi sharply nudges Dave. Sharply being the relevant word; Terezi is so spindly that her elbows could probably slice through paper. He winces. 

“Um. Hey. ’Sup,” he says, and then you realize that he’s not just tense; he sounds distinctly nervous. Afraid, even, though you’re not sure whether he’s more scared of you or Terezi at the moment. 

Terezi coughs politely. “I’ll be back in a bit,” she says, tiptoeing out of the room and closing the door behind her. 

You stare at Dave. He stares back. Awkward silence briefly fills the room. 

You decide to break it. 

“Were you also asleep just a few minutes ago, or are we passing through a dream bubble just now?” you ask. 

“….no?” he says, confused. 

“Oh.” 

And then, rather uncharacteristically of you, you leave it at that. No snark. No teasing. No questions about your situation. 

The fact that you are doing so weighs on you. You can’t really bring yourself to ask him what was wrong. For one thing, as much as you want to know the answer, you are starting to dread learning it. 

If you had your Sight you could have just figured it out yourself. Could have used the Light to find your way through the darkness of the unknown. But it’s not there any more. Something has blown out that Light, and now you’re fumbling around in the darkness, uncertain how to find your way back out again. 

Dave, for his part, has started shuffling his feet and mumbling rhymes to himself to pass the time. He looks miserable. You’re not sure if you’re to blame for that. 

You suppose that ought to make you miserable as well. 

Eventually, Terezi returns and chases Dave away, citing your need for rest. It pains you to see how relieved he looks as he mumbles his way out of the room, but you have to admit that you’re feeling fairly relieved yourself at this point. 

Terezi stays. You are oddly grateful for her company. 

The two of you spend the next hour in blessed silence. It’s a comfortable silence, one somehow completely different in nature from the pained silence that had been your visit with Dave. In the past, you think, you might have attributed such ease to familiarity, to mutual understanding, but given how little you currently understand about your situation, you doubt the veracity of such a description now. 

Perhaps, for now, it is simply enough that the two of you can be here together comfortably. Terezi sits on the floor next to your bed. There is still an unspoken tension between you, but it can be addressed in due time. 


	6. Chapter 6

_The scout spotted something on the dark blue horizon, a silhouette framed by moonlight. She whistled. Her dragon’s ears perked up, and then it swooped down into a running landing._

_The scout jumped off, scratching her dragon behind the ears for a moment before proceeding with her investigation. She surveyed the scene as she stood there._

_There was a place where a dwelling of some kind had once stood. It would have been fairly isolated, out here in the middle of the desert. Now it was just a jumbled pile of remains._

_She walked up to it, sniffing carefully. Some of the wooden boards that once made up the house were charred. Others look like they’d splintered under a great force. Others still were simply warped beyond recognition, as if they had passed through a funhouse mirror and this was what they looked like on the other side. Everything reeked of smoke._

_There were other smells, though, hiding under the stale smoke. Something oily. Wet ink. Copper and salt._

_And some sort of perfume. She searched through the rubble for a while, trying to narrow down the source, until her dragon nudged her hand with its fearsome snout. It had something in its mouth; she took it. This was where the perfume smell had come from._

_It was a doll. The plastic was melted nearly beyond recognition, and its clothes were charred and stained with ink._

_She dropped it. Whoever had lived here, there was nothing she could do to help them now. The best thing she could do was keep moving before the trail went cold._

_She looked up at the moon. It was still glowing brightly, half-full, only a little dimmer and a little less full since the last time she had checked. Good. That meant she still had time._

_She got back on her dragon and together they took off, flying low to track the scent trail. She didn’t look back at the ruins. She needed to keep looking forward, and so she did._

* * *

You break the silence yourself an hour later. 

“Ugh!” you yell, throwing down your writing journal in disgust. 

Terezi leans further back against the bed and tilts her head upside-down towards you, glasses slipping down towards her forehead. The sight of it causes a tiny giggle to escape your lips before you can suppress it. 

“What?” she asks. 

“What as in what made me giggle, or what as in what made me throw my journal just now?” 

“Yes.” 

You groan. “I walked into that one, didn’t I?” 

“Yes,” Terezi says again. “Now tell me already, upside-down lady!” 

“I hate to break it to you, but you’re the one who’s upside-down, Ms. Pyrope.” 

“Lies. Lies and slander,” she says, jutting out her chin indignantly in such a manner as to cause her glasses to just fall further down her forehead. “I will not tolerate such obviously false claims in my Vertical Court.” 

“Oh, well then,” you say, “your honor, may I approach the bench?” 

“You may!” 

You roll over so that your head is also upside-down, and near Terezi’s. 

“Terezi, I –” 

“Ahem,” she interrupts. 

“Sorry, _your honor_ , I giggled because you were being adorable. An act, I would note, that you continue to this moment.” 

“The court is pleased to acknowledge its own adorability,” Terezi proclaims. “But I was more interested in why you seemed so frustrated.” 

“I don’t suppose I could plead the fifth.” 

“I don’t actually know what that is,” she says, scrunching up her nose in dismay. 

“Never mind, then. Regional term,” you say, and sigh. “I’m frustrated by the loss of my powers. It’s as if everything I do, every little thing - it’s all dominated by that loss. I had no idea how much I actually used them in my day to day life, and now that they’re gone, I don’t feel as if I’m coping with the loss very well.” 

“Really? Like how?” 

“Well. Getting back to the original question: I was trying to write just now, and I realized I didn’t know what to write.” 

“So you had writer’s block.” 

“No! Except yes. Yes, I had it. But in the past I’d just use the Sight and get a glimpse of what I was going to write before I wrote it. If that didn’t work, if I still didn’t know what to write, I’d just wait a bit until it became clearer.” 

Terezi frowns at that. “You cheated,” she says. 

“Yes, Terezi, I cheated,” you say. “I’ve been cheating for months now. I cheat at my creative endeavors. I cheat when I can’t decide what shade of orange or purple to wear on a given day. I even cheat when I can’t decide what to have for lunch. I throw myself at the mercy of the court, and plead leniency on the basis of one reason alone: To my sole credit, I have not yet cheated at our games of Troll Scrabble.” 

Instead of laughing, Terezi just stares silently at you for a while. 

“This is really hard for you, huh?” she finally asks, quietly. “Being in the dark like this.” 

You sigh again. “It is,” you say. “I don’t even know why this happened, or whether or not it’s temporary. What if my powers never come back? What if I have irreparably damaged what limited chances we had at success in our quest?” 

“Rose, I–” Terezi begins to say. 

But you keep talking over her, more loudly now. “And worse,” you say, “what if it’s all my fault? I still don’t know what happened to me, why I’m missing my short term memories or my powers, but I know one thing: You’re all scared of me. I did something so bad that it scared you all, and damaged myself somehow, possibly for good, and even now you’re all so scared of what might happen if I find out what I actually did that you won’t even tell me what’s going on.” 

And at that, you huff and turn your head away. 

“I’m not scared, Rose,” Terezi says, again quietly. “I’m not scared of you. You don’t scare me.” 

You stiffen a little at that, but don’t move. 

“I mean it. And I’m sorry for keeping you in the dark so long.” 

You flop back over. “Is that why you’re here? Because you’re the only one who isn’t scared?” 

“Not exactly.” 

“Then why?” 

“Because I’m the only one who was able to stop you when you almost went grimdark the other night. And if you have a relapse, I’m the one who’s going to have to stop you again.” 

You jolt at that. It’s too much. You can’t handle it. You curl into a tight ball, your fingers writhing like snakes on the bedsheets next to you, trying to dig yourself in further, dig your way to safety. 

“No,” you whisper. The panic is gnawing at you. The world recedes rapidly from your awareness. There is a horrible ringing in your ears. You can barely even hear Terezi any more. 

But somewhere, far off in the distance, she seems very concerned. “Rose? Are you okay? Rose?” 

Terezi’s voice echoes through your mind, until at last you give in to the encroaching, inviting darkness and quiet. 

But even then, you think that you can still hear her. 


	7. Chapter 7

You’re back in the observatory. The storm sounds different now. Strained.

  
TT: You could have told me that you weren’t my Dave.   
TG: arent we all your dave in the end   
TG: actually maybe that should be the theme of next years davecon   
TG: the finest convention for dave striders in all of the dream bubbles   
TG: but no im not your dave   
TG: not in the sense of the dude whos alive and busting rhymes on the meteor with you anyway   
TG: im from earlier   
TT: Earlier?   
TG: in your timeline   
TG: dont you remember   


And suddenly the world around you twists and distorts, the thunder grows louder, and you realize that you’re not in your observatory any longer. You’re in a castle. But the storm still rages on outside.

  
TT: Remember?   
TG: what happened here   


There are tapestries hanging on the wall here. You examine them closely.

  
TT: I remember these…   
TT: But these are whole.   
TT: Weren’t they torn?   


The tapestries shimmer and fade, and now all but one are in shreds.

  
TG: you saw them twice   
TG: once whole   
TG: once torn   
TT: What happened to them?   
TT: I’m not sure I actually remember being here.   
TG: you werent here when you were whole   
TG: you were here when you were torn   
TT: When I went grimdark.   
TG: you got it   
TG: this is where my timeline diverged from yours   
TG: nearabouts anyway   
TT: Did I tear these?   
TG: no   
TG: jack did   
TG: and then you tore him   
TG: to shreds   
TG: that was when the shit hit the proverbial fan   
TT: But Jack killed me.   
TT: And I woke up on Derse with you.   
TG: in your timeline yes   
TG: in mine no   
TG: in mine you actually did defeat him   
TT: Thus dooming us due to the nature of the alpha timeline.   
TG: well yeah i guess eventually   
TG: we met our demise a lot sooner than that though   
TT: But I remember what doomed timelines are like. With Jack gone, it should have been a slow demise.   
TT: I remember escaping from one.   
TT: Sort of.   
TT: I mean.   
TT: Not me.   
TT: But you know what I mean.   
TG: yeah well i know that you killed jack   
TG: and lost control   
TG: and then you killed us too   
TG: you killed all of us   


* * *

When you come to, you’re sobbing against Terezi’s chest, and her arms are around you. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I did it again, didn’t I?” you weep. 

“Ssshhh. No, you didn’t,” she says. “You just passed out for a bit. It’s not like you were fully recovered yet anyway.” 

“I hate that this is still happening. I thought I was over this.” 

“So you’re recovering. And maybe you’ll never be over it completely. But you’ll do your best. And right now, I’m here, and I won’t let it happen again,” Terezi says, and squeezes you tighter. 

You look up at her, vision blurred through tears. “Thank you. I’m not sure what I did to deserve to be treated so well by you, but thank you,” you say. 

Terezi appears thoughtful, but doesn’t say anything back. She just pats your back and starts cooing something soft and musical. You don’t recognize the words. 

You curl up against her and, while not exactly feeling safe in her arms, feel suitably contained. The others are safe from you. That’s the important part. Deciding that would suffice for now, you drift off again. 


	8. Chapter 8

You find yourself in the dream bubble again. 

But it’s abandoned. Dave has signed off. You’re alone. 

The castle is full of dead bodies. Carapaces. You wander along the seemingly endless halls and stairs. You really hope you weren’t the one who… 

You really hope it was like this when you got here. 

Eventually you reach the a door leading to the outside. There are more bodies here. Human. Stained red like the others. 

It takes you a second to recognize them under the gore. You stare at them ever so briefly before fleeing. 

You find yourself back at your observatory, but it’s in ruins. Your whole house is. 

And then there’s a bright flash as it’s pulled into the Medium, and you’re left there all alone in the gaping void where the house used to be, and then there is nothing. No trees, no meteors, no waterfall. Nothing. 

Only the dark, and the sound of you quietly sobbing to yourself. 

* * *

When you wake up, you’re still alone. But there’s a folded piece of paper nearby, addressed to you in Kanaya’s somewhat wobbly rendition of Latin script. 

> Rose 
> 
> I Stopped By To See You But You Were Asleep And I Dared Not Wake You 
> 
> So I Decided To Leave You This Note Instead 
> 
> But I Am Finding It Rather Difficult to Write 
> 
> There Is So Much I Want To Talk About But Terezi Is Convinced It Is Best You Try To Recover As Much As You Can On Your Own 
> 
> But Please Just Know 
> 
> We Are All Very Concerned For You 
> 
> Myself Especially 
> 
> Because No Matter What Was Said Earlier 
> 
> I Just Want You To Get Better 
> 
> And Then We Can Deal With Whatever We Need To Deal With 
> 
> Just 
> 
> Please Get Better Rose 
> 
> I Miss You 
> 
> ~ Kanaya 
> 
> PS: I Know She Has Been Making Advances And I Thought It Might Be Best To Be Explicit Given Our Differing Cultural Backgrounds 
> 
> You Have My Blessing 
> 
> And 
> 
> As Dave Would Put It 
> 
> My Knowing Wink And Customary High Five 

Suddenly you don’t understand anything. 


	9. Chapter 9

_The woman in orange reached the end of the desert, and the beginning of a vast ocean._

_It had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, but she was deep into these strange lands by now. A land that had clearly lost any sense but its own internal sensibilities. And right now, that apparently meant an ocean._

_The ocean spread out in front of her as far as she could see in any direction but the one from which she was running. She could make her stand here, if she had to. Or she could keep running._

_The air stirred behind her._

_Right. Running it was._

_There was, somewhat improbably, a boat of some sort just ahead of her. She got into it, pushed off, started rowing with a stray branch she’d found just next to it, something long ago polished smooth by the tides and bleached white by the sun._

_She rowed onwards, daring not look back._

_It was only afterwards that she realized that her improvised boating materials were made of bone._

* * *

You suppose you must have fallen asleep, because at some point you wake up to Dave tugging on your sleeve. It is very dark; you wonder if Terezi turned out the lights once she noticed you were asleep. It also occurs to you that that means she probably noticed the strange letter from Kanaya. 

That’s not your immediate concern, though, because Dave seems very insistent. 

“Dave? Wha-” you begin to say. 

“Ssshh,” he says. “Got something to show you.” 

You stand up - apparently you’re doing quite well with your recovery at this point, because it hardly pains you at all to be up and out of bed. Dave reaches out and takes your hand in his, and the two of you make your way through the darkness. You’re not sure how he can see anything. 

You move slowly forward. It feels as if your ears are playing tricks on you; the space around you feels unnaturally large and noisy, but it’s the sort of noise that silence makes, and so you can’t be sure you’re hearing anything at all. For all you know the only noises here are those that you’ve brought with you. 

Dave guides you on. You want desperately to return to the relative safety of your room, but you want even more desperately to understand your situation, and so you follow. 

“What is it?” you whisper, but he stops, places a finger on his lips, signaling you to be quiet, and then starts walking forward again. Creeping forward, more like. You become aware of how loud your footsteps are compared to his, and try to quiet them accordingly. 

He keeps creeping along the corridor until you reach a crack in the wall. You’re not sure you’ve noticed this crack before, but honestly, the meteor’s full of them. Whatever tool carved a laboratory out of this meteor must have been something more akin to an ant than, say, a mechanical drill; the interior is full of weird organic curves, alternating rough and smooth surfaces, little honeycomb-esque cubbyholes, and perforations ranging in size from pinholes to something that could accommodate a standard-issue playground dodgeball. 

Naturally, the trolls _love_ it. No place like home. Or hive, you should say. 

Dave stops and looks at you expectantly. 

You place your head up against the wall and try to look through the crack to see what’s on the other side. But it’s too small; you can only make out vague blurry shapes; regions of dark and light. You turn your head and place your ear to the crack instead. 

Through it, you can hear a horrible keening noise. There’s fear in that noise, and regret, and panic. It’s the sort of noise that leaves you uncertain if the person making it even realizes that they’re doing so; the high-pitched remnants of a nigh-all-consuming dread. 

And then -

_rose_

You think you can hear someone calling out to you. You press your ear closer to the wall… 

_rose no_

Who is that? 

_rose can you hear me snap out of it already_

That last one startles you, and you try to jerk your head back… 

…and it catches on something. 

Oh no. 

Oh hell no. 

You tug harder and now the wall gives a little, in a way that solid rock shouldn’t; it resists your movements in a way that suggests it is bending and twisting like taffy. 

**fuck fuck fuck something has a hold of your hair or maybe your whole head you don’t know what the fuck**

_ROSE WAKE UP_

In one last desperate move, you shove _forward_ instead of trying to pull your head back as you had been doing. It works, but the entire wall gives away in the process, toppling like so much plywood set dressing, and you stumble through the dark… 


	10. Chapter 10

_The scout reached the end of the desert, and the beginning of a vast ocean._

_The trail was strong here._

_She flew onwards without stopping._

* * *

You come to in the middle of a desert. 

It’s dark here, but not completely so. A full moon shines overhead. 

You run. 


	11. Chapter 11

_The scout closed in on the woman in orange. The sea below her had grown wild. A storm had gathered above. And there was very little moonlight remaining._

_“You can’t run from me, Rose!”, the scout shouted. “Don’t you understand? I’m here to bring you back. I’m here to save you!”_

_“I’m not running from you, Terezi!” Rose shouted back. “I’m running from that!”_

_“Running from wha-” Terezi started to yell back, and then she smelled it. Strange shapes swimming through the water. More of them swarming in the air, hiding behind the storm clouds._

_They began to coalesce into a single entity. It smelled like Rose, but… **wrong**. It smelled like a bad copy. Like something that had hatched out of Rose and had been imprinted with her likeness in the process. The stench of smoke and fresh ink wafted off of it. It smelled…_

_It smelled like a horrorterror._

_The swarm converged on the improvised rowboat, which was being tossed up and down in the jostling of the waves. Writhing tentacles reached out, attempting to drag the boat and its occupant under. Rose beat at them with the bone-oar, but there were too many; slowly they gained ground on her, and the boat began to sink. Tentacles of smoke, of ink, of salt water; they wrapped themselves around the boat, around Rose and squeezed, the rowboat cracking loudly as it shattered under the pressure. As if in a single last act of defiance, she extended her hand upwards out of the inky mob…_

_…and Terezi swooped down and grabbed her hand and pulled for dear life._

_The ocean surface flattened in huge circles surrounding them as Pyralspite’s wings beat mighty gusts against it, trying fiercely to gain leverage against the swarm. Terezi began to lose her grip; Rose’s arm was slick with ink. She shifted in her seat to let her hold on tighter, but it was too much; now she was beginning to slide. For a terrifying moment she thought she was about to fall into the fray herself, and then, abruptly, Rose was pulled free, flying up out of the swarming mass like a cork out of champagne._

_They soared upwards then, soared **away**. Rose wrapped herself around Terezi’s back with both arms, and Terezi held onto her with one arm and onto Pyralspite with the other. They soared until they had gained enough distance, and then Pyralspite twisted and screamed fire and defiance at their foe…_

_A brief flash of light, and then the dragonfire was extinguished._

_The monstrosity was unaffected._

_Pyralspite roared angrily and circled around for another attack. Terezi turned her attention to Rose. She wasn’t in good shape. She was still breathing, at least; her face was pressed against Terezi but her sludge-covered body heaved slightly with each breath._

_“Rose,” Terezi said. “I don’t know how much longer Pyralspite will be able to hold it off. Or outrun it, were we to run. You need to fight. You need to bring the Light back!”_

_“I…can’t,” Rose whispered. “It’s gone.”_

_“If you can’t then this place will be plunged into night forever. It will wither and die, and us with it,” Terezi said. “Look at the moon. It still shines. Just a little. Do you know what moonlight is? It’s reflected light from the sun. Even when you think the sun might be gone…you can know it’s still there, because of the moons.” She looked up. “Or moon singular, in this case. That’s kind of weird.”_

_“The Light can’t help us,” Rose said. “I figured out why my vision went dark. I stared too deeply into fate. I burned out my sight. Blinded by the Light. No more Light for me.”_

_“Rose, this place is made of memories,” Terezi said. “We’re in a dream bubble. You don’t need to see the Light. You just need to remember it.”_

_“But I can’t-”_

_“I saw it in your mind, Rose! You just need to let yourself see it.”_

_Rose fell silent. Pyralspite attacked the monstrosity over and over again to no effect, but the dragon’s strength was waning. They didn’t have much time left._

_“Rose,” Terezi whispered. “I don’t know if we’re going to make it. But if we don’t…I just wanted you to know I don’t regret it at all. I’m pale for you, Rose. So fucking pale. I just want you to be okay…I just want you to open your eyes. Please. Just open your eyes. Wake up. Open your eyes.”_

_Off on the horizon, a pale glimmering appeared. The sky grew lighter. Something glinted off the water._

_The monstrosity below screeched._

_“That’s it. Just a little further,” Terezi whispered. “You’re almost there.”_

_The sun began to rise above the horizon. Terezi instinctively flinched. She knew it couldn’t hurt her here, knew it had to be this way, but…_

_Light poured over the ocean surface. The creature started to evaporate._

_It was too much. The world around them began to fade away as well. As everything vanished, the Light filled the spaces where it had been, until there was nothing, just the two of them floating in a formless brilliance._

_Terezi pressed her forehead against Rose’s. “It’s time to wake up,” she whispered. “Come and find me…”_


	12. Chapter 12

You open your eyes. 

You’re in bed; Dave, Kanaya, and Karkat stand above you concernedly. Terezi is crouching beside you, her head resting on your chest. 

They are all radiant with shimmering Light. 

“Scarecrow, Tin Woman…Cowardly Lion,” you mutter weakly. Dave smirks. Karkat directs a scowl at him, then turns his focus back to you. You look down at Terezi, reach out a hand, ruffle her hair. “Toto.” 

Terezi looks up and smiles at you. 

“How long was I out?” you ask. 

“Over a day,” Kanaya said. “We kept trying to wake you. It started to seem like you were never going to…” she trailed off. “Rose, we’re just so glad you’re back.” 

“I’m glad too,” you say, pulling Kanaya and Terezi into a hug. After a moment’s hesitation, Dave joins in, and then tugs at Karkat’s sleeve until he joins in as well, everyone together in a big group hug. “Thank you. Thank you all,” you say, and then let go of them. Terezi lingers near you. 

“Thank Terezi,” Dave says. “It was her mind powers that got the job done in the end.” 

“I got that impression,” you say, smiling at Terezi. “Thank you, Terezi.” 

She looks at you contemplatively. “You’re very welcome, Rose.” 

“What happened after I went grimdark again?” you ask. 

Everyone except Terezi looks confused. After a moment’s hesitation, Kanaya speaks up. “You never went grimdark, Rose. Not all the way. We, uh…” she looks down a bit embarrassedly, “we had a fight, and you stormed off, and then when we went looking for you, we found you slumped over your scrying kit. You stayed unconscious despite our best efforts to wake you, until now.” 

Dave chimes in. “You were stuck in some sort of halfway-between state. More graydark than grimdark.” 

“But, I…” you look around confusedly. “I’ve been out this whole time?” 

Terezi gently pats you then, and stands up. “I think it’s time we let Rose get some rest. Visiting hours are over.” 

One by one, the others wish you a good evening and shuffle out of the room, until it’s just you and Terezi. For a second you worry she’s going to leave too, but instead she gently shuts the door and walks back over to your bedside. The two of you exchange a weary, knowing look. 

“That really was you, wasn’t it?” you say. 

“It was,” she says. “You kept losing your way, and I kept having to find you. But you’re back now. I’m so glad you’re back, Rose.” 

You weakly reach out a hand, two fingers outstretched at an angle. Terezi mirrors your gesture, her fingertips brushing against yours, the two of you tracing out a diamond. “Pale for you,” you whisper. 

“So pale,” she whispers back, and rests her other hand on your forehead. 

You find yourself drifting off into sleep once again. But for once, you’re not afraid of what you might face there. You know it’ll be okay, because your moirail is here with you.


End file.
